I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
