So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I touched a dick in church today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
