I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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