I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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