She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
