Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
