Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
