took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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