How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
