So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
