he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
