I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
