I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My ass is underappreciated
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
