he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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