i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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