if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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