Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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