I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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