That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
