I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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