I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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