No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
