i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
