Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
