You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
