Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
