Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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