she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
