The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
