At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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