white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
