I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
