when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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