i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
