Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
