I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
