So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
