What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
