My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
