Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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