I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
