It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
