we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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