phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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