Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
