I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
