just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
