God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
