I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
