Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
