Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
