It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
