I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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