can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
