Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
