and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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